But no more helicopters came and it was getting dark again.Clusters of stars decorated the vast sky, weakly shining in the moon-eclipsed darkness. Rages and apprehension calmed down and exhaustions came dominating Janeas she hopelessly fell down into the soft grass. The transparent stream sounded amusing and was no longer as infuriated as the streamof her mind hours ago. She thought about Tom, memories flooding out as she closed her eyes and recalled the kindness of him. Regretfully, she fell asleep, flower singing adhering to her ears (flowers’ singing adhering to her ears).
It was daybreak when Jane woke up. Sunshine embraced the forest plain, reflecting to bloom her yellow blouseto be an attractive “flower”. In her sleepy eyes, a helicopterwas right in the sky. Wild with joy, she jumped up, grabbing the blouse and flourishing it while crying. The helicopter spotted her and began to land on the grass. “It’s Tom! I know he will, he will come!” A pair of astounded hand reached Jane’s cheek. “Where did you go? If something happened to you, I’ll always have it on my conscience.” They hugged more tightly. “I’m sorry.” Jane said.【点评】
这篇文章最大的特色就是语言能力非常突出。
首先,全文使用了非常多的高级词汇,如“cluster, rage, dominate, infuriated”等等。这些词汇不仅准确地描绘出人物的动作,而且对环境描写也更为生动。不过,其词汇的使用也有一些只求大、不注意词义搭配自然程度的嫌疑,甚至有误用,如“adhere, flourish, astound”等。在修辞方面,文章多处使用拟人修辞手法,如“Clusters of stars decorated the vast sky, weakly shining in the
moon-eclipsed darkness.”以及“Sunshine embraced the forest plain.”两句中,两个动词“decorate”,“embrace”使用了拟人。在语法上,全文主要使用非谓语动词,力求用最精练的语言表达出最生动的画面。
值得一提的是,文章虽然没有使用许多句式,但却从没给读者句子重复、单调的感觉,究其原因,是作者巧妙地给每句话设置了不同的主语。另外,本文每句话采用的写作切入角度也值得研究。例如,第一段中,作者从远景(stars, sky)到近景(stream),再到细节特写(ears),勾勒出了故事发生的不同场景,让故事显得有血有肉,情节丰满,这也成为了文章逻辑上的出彩点。
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